The Dom Joly Complaint Line

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"I'm the first to compliment,
and I'll just say 'You look
really great' or 'You look
great'" - Rita Ora
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POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_|13.08.15 ISSUE 750
Free email every week
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Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Cilla: The tributes continue...
* PB Extra: Dick, Trump and more!
* Charts: Charlie Puth is No.1
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>> Bye bye, Bullers <<
Social medi-yah boo sucks

Social media users are often
accused of 'slacktivism' and
told that they never actually
effect any useful change.

Well, maybe that's not quite
so. Apparently the Bullingdon
Club's membership at Oxford
took a bit of a hit last year.
Only three members signed up.

People constantly circulating
that photo of Boris, Dave and
all their mates in tailcoats
appears to have done the trick.

Prospective members figure that
if a member of the public ever
captured any of their Bullers
hi-jinks on a camera phone
(such as burning 50 pound notes
in front of beggars; starting
a fight in a country pub) and
shared it on social media, it
would blow their chances of a
job in the City.


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Spotted outside Newton Abbot train
station in Devon: international
rock star Matt Bellamy – waiting
to be picked up by his mum.
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>> Black mood <<
Ruff day at the office

If you worried that our Cilla
coverage last week seemed a
little vicious, relax. It's
probably what she would have
wanted. From the sounds of
it, she never much cared for
gestures of condolence from
the press.

A reporter from the Daily
Mirror once had to deliver
Cilla a bouquet of flowers
to Cilla after the death
of Our Bobby.

But as he was walking up
the path of her huge house
in Denham – with flowers
in hand – her sons set a
dog on him.


FYI: We've a full tribute to Cilla
in the latest edition of Popbitch
Magazine (IT'S BACK!) – including
many more of your memories of the
old gal...
http://bit.ly/1h49pnl


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Taliban turmoil is a recruiting
strategy for ISIS. In Kabul they
are offering a signing-on fee of
$100 and a motorbike.
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>> Big Questions <<
Who's asking what this week?

Which British TV talent judge
had a special arrangement with
her partner? Every time she had
anal sex with him, he'd buy her
a diamond. (No idea if she's
still holding him to that.)


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THE POPBITCH POPQUIZ AT SMITHS:
Our back-to-school special! Tues
Sept 8 at Smiths, Spitalfields.
Music! Gossip! Trivia! Prizes!
Come and send off the summer
holidays with us (and booze).
Entry is 5GBP; it's a 7pm start.
Get your tickets here:
http://bit.ly/1UEzPKs
************************************


>> Hair trigger <<
Not having a joly month

Sounds like someone needs to
set up a specialised Dom Joly
complaint line. The latest
story we've had involves him
make a nuisance of himself
on Meard Street in Soho.

Not only was he bothering
diners sat outside Honest
Burger, filming a sketch
for the new series of Trigger
Happy TV, Joly's staff were
blocking residents' front
doors. When one such resident
returned home and tried to
enter their own house, they
found themselves being told
by a team of his employees to
wait while filming concluded.

So they called Westminster
Council's noise pollution
team on him.


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Judy Murray spotted in Hotel Du Vin.
Either very discreet or paranoid -
she placed her hand over her mouth
whenever she spoke to companions.
------------------------------------


>> No shit, Sherlock <<
Cumberbitches go rogue

Filming Hamlet on their phones
was just the first phase of
the Benedict Cumberbatch Fan
Army's plans. The Cumberbitches
have much bigger and bolder
plans to get their Benny to
notice them.

A group of them has been
circulating rumours to the
press about Mrs Cumberbatch
misbehaving, claiming that
her recent pregnancy was fake
and that Ben didn't really
want to marry her, in the
hope that the stories will
get published and destabilise
their marriage.

Although, ladies, if you want
this plan to work, talking
about it quite so openly on
Tumblr might not be your best
idea. It is Sherlock you're
trying to deceive after all.


------------------------------------
There's been rumours swirling that
David Tennant was going back to
Dr Who. It seems more likely he was
spotted in Cardiff meeting Russell
T Davies about a new non-Who thing.
------------------------------------


>> Bad passenger <<
The sound of violence

Seems as though Passenger has
form when it comes to getting
pissy on stage. He got so annoyed
with one of his audiences at a
gig in Glasgow that he stopped
his version of The Sound Of
Silence part way through to
admonish the paying punters.

Now, most people would be smart
enough not to take on a Glasgow
crowd (especially not a Glasgow
crowd on a Friday night) – but
not Passenger. Instead, he said:

"This really would sound better
if you all would be quiet.
Really, it's quite special."

It went down about as well
as you might predict.


------------------------------------
JJ Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan wrote
the new Star Wars movie by taking
long walks together and recording
everything they talked about.
------------------------------------


>> Cock of the work <<
Some nom-det down under

Grim news broke last month
that female backpackers
working in Australia on the
farms of South East Queensland
are being coerced into giving
blowjobs in exchange for visa
sign-offs.

The man dealing with all their
complaints? Queensland's Anti-
Discrimination Commissioner...

Kevin Cocks.

Read:
http://bit.ly/1M4EQJk


------------------------------------
Was it the love child or losing a
member? Either way, it worked. One
Direction have just scored their
first US top five since 2013.
------------------------------------


>> Double crossed <<
You gotta have faiths

Politicians are often accused
of feigning faith in order to
pander to important voter bases.
And while we wouldn't dream of
questioning Republican hopeful
Marco Rubio's devotion to his
faith, he does have a rather
unusual religious history.

The Florida senator was baptised
Catholic. But he was baptised
a second time as a Mormon when
his family moved to Las Vegas
and converted. He has since
returned to Catholicism, but
has been seen attending a
Southern Baptist megachurch
in Miami.


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Germaine Greer spotted in Saffron
Walden Tesco, having a conversation
with a woman by the cucumbers.
------------------------------------


>> Dick Tales <<
Popbitch Magazine is BACK!

We're going to be taking a
week off next week for our
summer holiday, but we've
got a little something for
you in our absence – a new
issue of Popbitch Magazine!

It features:
* Richard Desmond's worst
excuses for getting into
pornography
* The reason Gary Barlow's
musical needs a sex scandal
to ensure its legacy
* Corruption at the heart
of Eurovision
* Republican rapping
* The truth about Yoko Ono,
the Cheeky Girls and a
desert island
* And much, much more...

We've made it so you can
get this issue for free
if you sign up for a monthly
subscription – which helps
support us to bring you
this newsletter too.

Sign up:
http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y


------------------------------------
K-Pop is getting massive. Big
Bang's Sydney gig went on sale
today at $360! (That's 170GBP)
------------------------------------


>> Hmmms <<
Cocktails, cowboys, cancer

Fancy getting punched in the
face for living? Because
Clarkson is hiring...
http://bit.ly/1KigsQ8

The Human League's Don't You
Want Me, re-edited with just
the 'cocktail bar' lines.
A true work of art:
http://bit.ly/1ILQQuY

Tarantino's new trailer:
http://bit.ly/1ILTK2H

How Jehovah's Witnesses are
changing how doctors think
about blood transfusion:
http://nyr.kr/1f8LGAt

Speaking of which, John
Underwood's cancer diaries
are some of the funniest
things you'll ever read about
late-stage lymphoma:
http://jmunderwood.com/

We took 50 Popbitch readers
to see 1984 at The Playhouse
Theatre. This is what they
made of it:
http://bit.ly/1L7c9Nn

Local news of the week –
Miss Teen Suffolk is to
be the official face of
Framlingham SausageFest:
http://bit.ly/1UEyPWR


************************************
Thanks to: GC, DD, JS, KJ, JR, FS,
neville_bartos, TM, KM, RF, AL
theabominablehoman, rogermoore
************************************


Old Jokes' Home:
As Our Cilla is now God's Cilla,
we can expect to see her stomping
Tokyo flat soon.


Still Bored?
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