A friend of mine was selected to drive an Oscar Mayer Weinermobile for a year. Today, she found the perfect parking spot. 
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Wiser words have never been said. 
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My friend when he was 14... He looked 38.. 
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Nut Free Zone. 
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My friends roommates never do the dishes and were drinking her alcohol. She found a solution. 
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Oh it's discrimination alright... 
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When legs sleep. 
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"Yes honey, that's totally fine for you to hang a trash bag on my $500 condenser mic" 
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So Dell laid off my entire team last month. Today I get this advertisement in the mail. 
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Saw this sign when I showed a house to my clients. Google fiber or GTFO. 
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Buddy went to Japan, asked if I wanted anything. I said, "A samurai sword." He said, "How many?" I said, "Two." 
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My new favorite movie genre is "truck stop knock off". 
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Anyone fancy a nice refreshing swim? 
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Yeah.. This isn't going to work out :( 
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Mock! Yeah! Ing! Yeah! Bird! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 
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Using the black light in class got weird... 
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True romance. 
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Nice try, serial killers. 
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